Is Barack Obama A Secret Muslim? You Betcha

The story of Barack Hussein Obama’s rapid political ascension to be the Democratic Party’s 2008 presidential nominee is truly amazing, all the more so being that the junior senator from Illinois is a secret Muslim. Let us examine this Manchurian candidate’s background and try to glean how an Obama presidency would help transform North America into part of an Islamic caliphate that would extend west to Asia; and lead to a marked upturn in choreographed dance routines and the proliferation of Swedish disco.

Barack Hussein Obama was born on the outskirts of the teeming Pakistani port city of Karachi to a fishmonger father and a mother who was once called the most beautiful dwarf in all of Karachi’s eastern-most slums. His first introduction to the West came from the Swedish pop-group ABBA’s 1977 hit, “Dancing Queen.” In the Hussein family's two-room shack, under the scorching corrugated steel roof, Obama recited the lyrics incessantly, telling Jim Leher in a 2004 interview that he “thought that without ABBA, [he] would never have learned the English language, and never have written [his] two memoirs.” Although the local madrassa Obama attended was tolerant of some Swedish pop-music, the lasciviousness of ABBA ultimately got Obama expelled.

Throughout his childhood, Obama was an expert cricket player, especially excelling as an unusually skilled wicket-keeper, owing in large part to his bird-like frame and twitchy reflexes. Upon expulsion from school, Obama emigrated to neighboring India with only two business suits and an eyeball--an Obama family heirloom given to him by his father--to try his hand at professional cricket. To make ends meet Obama took extra work in countless Bollywood movie productions. His graceful carriage and lithe movements caught the eye of a then lowly Illinois attorney known to his constituents as Dickey Durbin. Dickey Durbin was a fanatic Bollywood fan, making several trips a year to Mumbai, often taking back a lucky young male extra who caught his eye to clerk in his downstate Illinois law firm.

After years of clerking for Dickey during the day and running his Springfield-based Bollywood-influenced dance studio at night, Obama eventually ran for the Illinois State Senate and won in a remarkable upset, all the more improbable since Hussein had never become a US citizen. His Senate victory made Obama only the fifteenth former Bollywood dancer ever to be elected to the Illinois Senate. From there, I guess the rest of Obama’s story is already part of modern political lore.

As his background makes clear, Obama's kind of change is not the kind this country wants or needs.